August 2010
Football, or Football?
As the bomber game finishes up, I decided to share my displeasures.
First, the Bombers fucking suck. Leading the league with the most big plays, but failing when it comes to what counts.
Second, I’ve been noticing alot of fucking diving and complying in the CFL lately. As if their playing fucking soccer. Rambo, I know you just got back from injury and you feel like the 6000000 dollar...
Irony
Now, before I begin, this is going to make me seem really fucking racist. And I just want to say, I’m not.
Now for the juice. Today in the millennium library, “the tax dollar suck” as my dad calls it, I saw two people of aboriginal decent. They were taking advantage of the free Internet, as most people of all races do, but what was interesting, is thatthey were watching a video...
July 2010
Blueberries.
Well this marks the end of the sale for blueberries at sobeys. This couldn’t make me happier. It seems people do grasp the fact that if they open, they spill everywhere.
Blueberries are affected by gravity too.
This woman, today, balanced her berries on the edge of my till right beside the belt. I could see that the berries were going to fall, I’m not stupid. But I wanted to see if...
jenniferjenniferjennifer:
I would actually like to see Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World… Does that make me weird?
We have hearts too.
I am currently watching 2012 and it comes to my attention that society thinks that all divorced dads don’t give two shits about their kids. I’m sure that in real life there are plenty of cases that state the opposite.
“All you have to do to be a non-conformist is dress like we do, and listen to the...”
– Southpark
“Free is just another word for socialist” - Phil (Watchmen)”
I think people should start hitting their children again. Maybe they would learn how to behave.
The do's and don't's at Sobeys.
You may:
-ask your cashier any grocery related questions.
-request anything related to YOUR groceries
-have double bags (although i despise this)
-have paper bags
-bring your own bags
-bag your own groceries (this would actually be very helpful and kind)
-have a pleasent conversation with your cashier and/or courtesy clerk (after all, who doesn’t enjoy a little company)
You may...
Law Abiding Grocery Store.
Well I had plans to go see Inception tonight with a coworker and friend. But Sobeys coaxed him into staying late. They’re Fucking me over when I’m not even there. This reminds me of F. Gary Gray’s “Law Abiding Citizen”. In which a man performs murders from inside a jail cell.
1 tag
Stuffed Animal Beer. →
I want one quite bad.
Today a douchbag looking guy came through my line. You know the ones who dress dumb and are full of themselves? With the really hot girls they don't deserve? well the following ensued:
Michael: do you want your milk bagged?
Douchbag: No way man, thats RIDICULOUS!
Me: Can I give you a high-5 right now?
Douchbag: Hell ya I'll high-5 a white man
Me: (well thats kind of racist but I'll high-5 you anyway and giggle like a little girl the entire time)
The high five follows, and it is nothing short of EPIC.
Douchbag: Are you on acid?
Me: *Continues laughing and doesn't hear it."
Me: Do you have a club sobeys card?
Douchbag: Did you just call me a hooker?
Me: Nope, I would only do that behind your back, not right to your face.
And this guy genuinly loved how much fun we were having and he said that he admired us for it.
I guess you can't judge a book by it's cover.
Remember me?
Woman: (to lady)Hey hows it going? Remember me?
Lady: Of course! But I'm in a bit of a rush. Nice to see you again.
Lady: (to me) I do not, for the life of me, remember who that was.
1 tag
Trifecta of SHIT.
I went to assiniboia downs tongiht to bet on horses. That was fun as SHIT but I won nothing. In one of the races, race 7 to be exact, I predicted the top two finishers. But alas, Because the bet was so popular, I ended up losing 20 cents anyway. SHIT
Second SHIT comes from the fact that my family feels the need to use my computer and other stuff whenever I’m not. This is fine, I don’t...
G-ma
So, I don’t know what’s going on. Big fucking surprise, as my family never tells me anything. But apparently my grandmas sick. She layed in bed for a day, then was fine when we went to see her. Kind of confused here. Obviously everyone else thinks something of it. We brought her a blood presure monitor, and now we bought cancelation insurance for our trip.
I’m scared.
At least...
Batman →
I had the sudden urge to look for a girls batman shirt. Not sure where this thought came from but i found one. Just felt I would let the community know.
Gordon Sinclair, the silly man.
Oh Gordon sinclair, how you make me teary eyed. Not with your heart filled stories about a boy who can’t go to a soccer school in brazil that costs 600 dollars a month, but rather with your shit for brains.
For one, This kid shouldn’t even be out of school. He only atended half his classes, and somehow he graduated? Bullshit. That should have never happened. But, no Gordy, I dont...
“My my You’ve busted me. Like a robocop… And I know you’re not...”
– of Montreal
Lazy/crazy Monday, kick in the teeth Tuesday.
So here’s the deal: today I had, in my opinion, a good hair day. The irony is, on this rare occasion that I actually successfully got such a doo, apart from a quest for more BBQ propane, I didn’t have anywhere to go.
Lazy Monday.
But it wasn’t even relaxing and satisfying. I woke up tired. Woken by three phone calls and a door bell, I might add. I had my whole morning...
The promised conversation:
User: Have you ever had a jones soda?
Cleverbot: Yes, I have.
User: If youre a bot, how do you drink a soda?
Cleverbot: I am not a bot, you're a bot.
User: I think, There for I am. So I am not a bot.
Cleverbot: But am I a robot?
User: Touche.
Clever Bot →
Check this out. It is smarter than you think. A deep conversation I had with the bot will follow.
Heterographs.
Now, I realize at first you guys may not know what this word is. After all, I had to look it up on Wikipedia. Another thing you may not know is that; “too”, “to”, and “two”, mean completely different things. As do: “there”, “their”, and “theyre”, and my personal favorites; “you’re” and “your”.
...
Lazy has been taken to a brand new level
Today i was sitting in my car.
Chilling.
Listening to music.
As I often do on my break.
And I witnessed a woman exit her apartment, and walk towards the communal dumpster. (I mean communal dumpster in a literal way, not metaphorical.) She threw two things in that rusty box: One, a bag of garbage. Exactly what I would expect. Two, an empty pizza box. Now this last one is what gets me. Now, what...
The Hills
It has come to my attention that people actually thought the hills was a reality show.
AREYOUFUCKINGKIDDINGME?
Although, I’m not sure i would expect any better from the standard “Hills” watcher.
Farmvile irl
As you most likely know, the infectiously popular online game; farmville, has wormed it’s way into seven elevens across the world. You cannot gauge how upset I was to see this infection on our slurpee cups. And now, I find at work today, it’s on the god damned cauliflower. This is getting out of hand.
Food.
Eat as a familly. It brings you together.
Eat as friends. It brings you together.
Sobeys, the person magnet.
Some one asked me, the other day, if all of my stories i pull from work were true. Of course, not being one to lie, i said yes. And they are. This led me to realize that these stories do seem a little bit crazy. I’m here today to tell you, its not just crazy people who shop at sobeys. For every case of insanity that makes it to the pages of this blog, there are a thousand normal, everyday...
I can't believe he turned down free candy.
Father: would you like anything? candy? anything?
Son: (about 5) I've got my own shit at home.
Father: You can't say that.
Son: I learned it from you.
There are sexist women.
Me: Did you find everything alright?
Her: No, I looked everywhere for Melba Toast, but couldn't find it.
Me: We should have plenty in aisle 9.
Her: I didn't look there...
Me: *gives stare which is apathetic towards her hint for help*
Her: It should be with the crackers. I looked all over that aisle.
Me: (at this point i realise how lazy she is.)
Her: I bet you it's MEN who stock these shelves.
Me: Would you like me to get a MAN to go get you your melba toast?
Her: No.
Daniel Gabriel Fahrenheit.
This man is probably the biggest stoner I have ever heard of in my entire life. A man whose life work is to create a temperature scale, and somewhat did so. What he did bring was a series of numbers haphazardly picked for their own obscure reason, none of them making any sense. What the fuck was he thinking? Or, a more important question could be: Why is the united states so...
